Do you know your love language? If you haven’t read The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman then I’m going to recommend that you drop everything and give it a read. At the very least, go online and take the short quiz. It really is a helpful resource.
My mother-in-law gave my husband and I a copy of that book for our first wedding anniversary (the paper anniversary). I actually shelved it for a while. I’d heard a ton about the book but I figured it was a lot of hype and hey, our relationship was great. Who needs The 5 Love Languages? We’ve got this whole communication thing down!
Ummm…no. We did not.
I eventually broke down and read the book. I’m so glad I did! Not only does it help you identify your partner’s language but it gives you a lot of insight in to yourself. One of things I realized is that my primary love language is touch. I was a bit surprised, I would have thought it was words of affirmation.
What I realized is that as a professional writer (both in my career and as a blogger) I give words away freely but touch? Touch is something that I hold very close to my heart. It’s something I protect. I am not a touch-driven person unless I’m engaging with someone very close to me. In that case, it’s how I both show and feel love.
After reading The Five Love Languages, and seeing that I speak a love language of touch, I’ve really become aware of it in my life and relationships. I’m especially aware of it after a disagreement or fight with Brandon. After we’ve resolved the issue I crave his arm around me, a hug, a kiss, a cuddle, some kind of physical touch to reassure me that all is ok. He can perform acts of service, say sweet affirming words, buy me a gift, or spend time with me (the other 4 languages) but they don’t mean a thing if there isn’t physical contact connected with it.
If you want me to know you love me, just give me a hug and all is right in my heart and soul.
Ah, my husband. My sweet, loving, adoring, kind-hearted husband. The man doesn’t give one whit about the love language of touch. I could hug him, or not hug him, and it’s all good on his side. He doesn’t need touch to reaffirm love like I do. His love language? The man speaks in words of affirmation.
As a writer and a wordsmith I fully embrace his language. I get it. He needs to hear verbal validation or read love letters to feel the same kind of heartfelt connection that I feel when he touches me. To confirm love to my husband I need to tell him that I love him, tell him that I think he looks handsome, verbally express appreciation for doing household chores, taking the dogs out, etc. Words mean a lot to him and he craves hearing them.
Do Our Love Languages Compliment?
They absolutely do. If we’re going out on a date night I reaffirm my love for him by thanking him for planning the night and he reaffirms his love for me by hugging me and kissing my forehead. Speaking each other’s language, it’s a beautiful thing.
Prior to reading the book that same exchange would have gone like this:
We’re going out on date night. To reaffirm his love for me, he tells me that I look beautiful (speaking his language and expecting that I’ll do the same), but to reaffirm my love for him I squeeze him in a bear hug, kiss him, and grab his hand to leave (speaking my own language and not realizing his needs are different).
We leave for the date night happy to be together but both feeling unfulfilled because we didn’t get the loving validation we needed.
It’s not about speaking our own language to another person; it’s about recognizing their language, speaking their language to them, and teaching them how to speak your language to you. So, I’ve learned to offer up affirming words to my husband. He, in exchange, has learned that I crave physical touch to feel connected.
Not only do we communicate better than ever but we understand the tiny intricate ways to show love. My husband knows that when we are out in public do something as simple as putting his hand on my lower back will let me know he loves me. I know that I can simply whisper, “Thank you for coming with me tonight.” and he knows that he’s loved and appreciated.
If you don’t know your love language, or if you don’t know your partner’s love language, I recommend you pick up the book today. It’s a tremendously helpful resource.
Have you read The 5 Love Languages? What’s your love language? Are you a touch or words of affirmation person too?