When my husband and I were dating I made it clear I had a major relationship rule: Do not discuss our relationship on social media. You see it all of the time. There are couples who air their grievances on Facebook by setting their relationship status to “It’s Complicated” or who ask their friends to weigh in on their latest disagreement. There are passive aggressive tweets about “someone” and which obviously refer to a boyfriend/girlfriend or spouse. There are even pictures on Instagram with complaining captions. I told my husband that no matter what the issue is it will compounded by 1000% if it’s broadcast on social media and our family and friends are invited in to our relationship.
It’s funny to me that, as a blogger, I willingly make so much of my life public but when it comes to the intricacies of my marriage it’s between my husband and I. I’ll discuss situations but I do not ever discuss disagreements, arguments, differences of opinion, or fights. Frankly, it’s no one’s business but ours. While having lunch with a friend the other day she said to me, “I feel like we’re doing something wrong. We fight a lot. You and your husband never seem to fight; I want that.” I told her, “My husband is my very best friend and that is the only thing the public world needs to know about us. Yes, we have fights, just like all married couples, but they are between us.” No relationship is perfect but the world doesn’t need to see those imperfections.
The world sees us enjoying ourselves at the hands-on exhibit of the Fernbank Science Museum in Atlanta. They aren’t going to see me tweet anything like, “Had a great time at Fernbank! If only someone hadn’t rushed me through the dinosaur exhibit.” and I’m not going to Facebook, “I can’t speak for everyone but at least I tried to be positive about the museum today.”
Note: We actually both had a great time, I’m just using examples. My husband loved the museum too.
The world also sees us when we got out for a friendly competition of mini golf. We’ll likely check-in at a location and probably IG a few pictures of our game. You’re not going to see me put on Facebook, “Someone settle an argument PLEASE. When you’ve both taken your first shot, who goes next? The person closest to or farthest from the hole? #MiniGolfProblems” and I’m definitely not going to tweet, “This is why we can’t have fun together! #SoreLoser”
Note: Again, examples. My husband kicks my butt at mini-golf every time. I do however make the occasional lucky stroke and that’s awesome!
I think it’s really inappropriate to invite everyone into your marriage. I have friends on social media who feel the need to broadcast every single moment of their relationship(s). I know about:
- Every argument
- Every fight
- Every insecurity
- Every time someone slept on the couch
I have friends who reach out, on Facebook, asking for relationship advice or asking if they should break-up / divorce.
I would be furious, and hurt, if my husband reached out publicly asking about separation or divorce. That just isn’t the kind of thing that should be broadcast on social media. Please, stop putting your relationship out there like that! There are some things that should just remain between the two of you and, if you really need advice or input from a friend, pick up the phone and make a call.
- What are your thoughts on marriage and social media?
- Do you keep your relationship offline?
- What about your top marriage rule(s)?