It feels like the days are moving quicker than ever these days. Brandon and I have been trying to slow down and spend more time cherishing each season of life as it comes yet it feels like we merely blink and it’s already March. Wasn’t it only yesterday that I was having a cocktail and ushering in the possibilities and the hope of the New Year? It’s just flown by. I find myself trying to avoid falling asleep at night because I just know I’m going to wake up and it will be time to decorate for Thanksgiving again.
We started 2017 with a lot of hope for this year and I’m hoping that it continues to be good for us. I’ve seen my doctor and we’ve been cleared to continue trying to have our little babe. This year marks 3 years we’ve been actively trying to have a baby and 5 years since we decided to “just see what happens”. I keep whispering little prayers although I’ve stopped praying for a child and instead praying that God grant me peace about my childless status and help me manage my desire for motherhood.
I decided it’s probably best not to ask God for the future but rather to ask God to help me manage the present.
We are still speaking to various people about adoption. Brandon and I were talking the other night though and we finally confessed something we’ve been hiding from each other. Fortunately, it seems as though we are on the same page because we both confessed our hearts have been opened toward adopting an older child rather than an infant or a toddler. We are looking around the ages of 9 – 13. We are continuing to study adopting an older child and are continuing to pray for wisdom in this decision.
The possibility of adopting is another reason we decided to stay in Georgia rather than relocate as we were thinking. Even though there is a desire to move, the desire for children is stronger. The more we pray about it, the more our desire for a family grows so we feel like it will happen soon. That’s just what faith is, I suppose.
We are continuing to hunt around the Atlanta suburbs for a home. It feels like we’ve been looking forever but I told Brandon the other day that I don’t want to feel like we’re settling for a home. When we buy, I want it to be the right house. We’re not in a hurry but I am keeping my eyes on the market. I’m sure it will be one of these things where we didn’t expect to buy but found the right house and suddenly we’re moving.
I just feel like my heart is in a good place.
I’m feeling peace in a way I haven’t felt for a long time. I feel happy with my career. I’m in love with my blog as a creative personal space again. I feel content.
I’m happy that 2017 started with me feeling connected to this space again. For the longest time I found myself falling victim to this feeling that you have to niche down your blog and find ways to monetize by teaching so you can make six-figures a month and be a successful blogger. When that feeling strikes, it’s hard to fight off. It’s just so easy to give into the pressure. You find yourself spending hundreds upon hundreds (or thousands) of dollars to enroll in courses, purchase new books and workbooks, sign up for annual subscriptions to this software and that service until you’re overwhelmed and crying in the corner.
I don’t want that pressure with this space. That was never the intention of this blog of mine and at the end of 2016 I found myself wondering why my blog couldn’t just be my own space. Why can’t the niche simply be lifestyle and why can’t the ‘teaching’ be something as light as letting your life be a ministry for the hope and the kindness that can be found in Christ. I had to realize that I didn’t need to force myself to be a blog about something when it was already a blog about someone. I kept coming back to Romans 12:2
Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.
The more I read it the more I felt as though I needed to let go of the pressures of doing this or buying that. I needed to discern the purpose for my life and my blog by what is on my heart as good and acceptable and perfect. That’s been on my mind since January and I feel like it shows on Far Beyond Love today. I feel like I’ve found myself again and with that my heart is back where it belongs.
Brandon and I both are chasing goals and dreams this month. We both have aspirations for our future and I’m considering a couple of things I don’t quite feel comfortable talking about yet. In the moment – today – it’s about acceptance of the present and cherishing our moments. Tomorrow can wait its turn.