How to be The World’s Worst Sister

Sep 16, 2016 | 7 comments

Today is my sister’s birthday and last night as I was sitting around thinking about her (and remembering I needed to get on Amazon’s 24-hour shipping thing like NOW before I once again prove I’m the world’s worst sister) I realized I probably really do take the cake for the worst sister that has ever sistered. 

I mean…that poor girl. I put her through so much torment when we were growing up that it’s a wonder that she even still speaks to me. I wouldn’t be surprised if she just cut off all contact with me telling me that she has to do so for her own sanity and so she can move past the trauma I put her through. Seriously. How my mom managed…I just don’t know.

In case you’re curious, this is how I did it (how I became the world’s worst sister, I mean)…

Here are just a few of the ways I earned the title of the world's worst sister.

How to be the world’s worst sister

Here you go…

Always make her be Player 2 (and lie about how the game is played)

We used to play a lot of video games in my house (Mario Bros, Sonic the Hedgehog, Sonic & Tails, and Baseball were beloved favorites). One of the quickest ways to become the world’s worst sister (or brother) is to always, always, always make your sibling be Player 2 on the gaming console. Let’s be honest, no one ever wanted to be Luigi (sorry Luigi!) and no one ever wanted to be Tails (although he was cute) but that’s what usually happens to the younger siblings. They are Player 2. There was no compromise with my sister. There was no “taking turns”. There was no playing fair. NO. I was older, I was Player 1 and that’s just how it worked. If she didn’t want to be Player 2, she didn’t have to play.

Oh, and you get major “world’s worst sister” points if you lie about how the game is played. I’m talking serious lies. I told lies like, “No, you don’t want to win! You need to sacrifice your life to save the Princess. Yep, that’s right, you need to die. It’s called chivalry and being selfless.” She’d believe me, Luigi would die, and Mario would swoop in as Player 1 to save the Princess! I also once said, “Ok, so the point of baseball is to score as few runs as possible. You want the lowest possible number of points. It’s kind of like in golf. Lower numbers are better numbers.” just so she would stand there while my players rounded all of the bases, scored upwards of 20 runs per game, and took the championship. #Winner

Lie about there even being a Player 2

Fine, I’ll be completely honest on the whole video game thing and admit that sometimes I just told her Player 2 was set up when it really wasn’t. I would tell her that we were going to play the game co-op (together, at the same time) and hand her a control. I’d plug it in (back when controls had to be plugged in) and she’d sit next to me mashing buttons thinking she was the other guy on the screen when she really wasn’t doing anything at all and the CPU was in charge. 

As long as the CPU was playing well she’d be happy because she thought she was playing well. She did catch us (my brother and I) lying to her about that once or twice. That didn’t go over so well…

Refuse to let her sleep in your bed, even if she was scared

My sister used to plead with me to let her sleep in my bed (my Full-size bed so there was plenty of room) with me at night when she was very little. She would claim she was scared of the dark or scared of spiders. She would cry and say she hated sleeping alone and just loved me. She would stand there with tears on her face, begging me to please, please, please, let her sleep in my bed with me.

And me? I would say, “No!” 

I would claim that it was because she tossed, turned, and kicked during her sleep. I would claim that it was too hot with someone else in my bed. I would claim that it was because she was a “baby” and I didn’t want to sleep with a baby (she’s 5-years younger). In reality, I was just a selfish horrible child and honestly, the world’s worst sister. 

Side Note: (Ok, actually, it hurts my heart to even write about doing that to her because I so clearly remember her crying and begging while I was so heartless in saying, “No.” If I could go back and take all of those nights back I would. I was mean. That was cruel. I have serious regret when it comes to doing that to her.)

Spoil the end of a movie before she’s seen it

This was honestly an accident, but I did it! It was “The Sixth Sense” and I didn’t know she hadn’t seen it (I promise…I didn’t know…she doesn’t believe me but it’s true!). We were talking about it at my parent’s house (my parents had seen it) and I blurted out the ending right there in front of my sister.


There’s not really any taking that back, is there? It was out there…the ending…and I killed that moment for her. I’m sure that’s not the only moment either. I think I also told her that Mufasa dies in the Lion King just after she said, “I really like Mufasa” the first time she watched it. 

I’m sure there were more moments. We watched a lot of movies and I was mean.

and more…

  • Convince her to trade chores and let her do all the laundry for you (wash, dry, fold, put away) while you vacuum the living room
  • Refuse to play Barbies with her because you’re “too old” (even though you still secretly play with them in your own room)
  • Don’t let her participate in your games when you have a friend sleepover
  • Hide her favorite toys

but I’m not going to share anything else, after all, the world’s worst sister is my title. 😉

In all seriousness, I was an awful sister when we were young. My sister is 5 years younger than me and we have very different personalities so even though I truly do love her madly (and always have) I haven’t always done the best job of showing it because we are so unlike and I find it hard to find common ground. I mean, she’d be an AMAZING beauty / fashion blogger and I don’t know the first thing about beauty/fashion. Today though, today is her birthday so I wrote this post for her so she knows that even though I was a horrid sister when we were little and even though I’m not the best sister now I love her more than she knows and I hope she has the happiest birthday ever because she deserves nothing less.

Love you sis (and sorry I’ve been so shitty!).

Steve Madden