Acts of Service for Your Spouse

How to show love to your spouse when their primary love language is acts of service.

Two days ago my husband asked me how many teaspoons of creamer I put in his coffee. I was sitting on the sofa, just surfing Pinterest on my tablet, and the question took me completely by surprise. I wasn’t surprised that he asked me about coffee creamer, I was surprised that I was home and he was making his own coffee. That’s not how it works in our home; I make the coffee. 

I know that sounds like a weird thing to say. I know that most wives are probably grateful when their husband’s make their own coffee or do things for themselves but when it comes to his coffee, I’m not one of those wives. You see, when we were first married we read through Gary Chapman’s book “The Five Love Languages” and we discovered that my husband’s primary love language is acts of service. He shows love by performing acts of service (walking the dogs even when it’s my turn, washing laundry because he knows I hate it, and taking out the trash). He receives love by having acts of service performed for him and that is why, when I’m home, I always make his coffee.

When he asked me about the amount of creamer I just looked at him dumbfounded and said, “I don’t know, I just pour it in and somehow know when to stop.” He seemed surprised that I didn’t measure it in teaspoons or tablespoons. I told him, “I brew coffee with love”, smiled, put down Pinterest, and got up to finish his coffee. I then gently scolded him, “Never make your own coffee when I’m home again.” 

My love language is words of affirmation which shouldn’t really come as a surprise to anyone that knows me. I’m a writer by profession, by hobby, and by passion. I live for books, music (lyrics, not sounds), and words. All it takes to set my heart aflutter are sweet words or a love note. Acts of service and words of affirmation go really well together because he feels love when I do something for him and I feel love when he expresses appreciation for my acts of service.

It’s a total win. 

As each has received a gift, use it to serve one another, as good stewards of God's varied grace. - 1 Peter 4:10 Click To Tweet

Does your spouse also speak acts of service? If so, here are other ways you can show them love in a way that speaks directly to their heart.

Acts of Service to show love to your spouse

1 – Brew a cup of coffee (imagine that!) or tea for them

2 – Have their car detailed or fill their gas tank

3 – Walk the dog (thanks for doing this A LOT babe!)

4 – Wash, dry, fold, and put away their laundry

5- Take care of their least favorite chore 

6 – Give them a back or foot massage

7 – Take out the trash

8 – Handle the business they hate (make the doctor appointment, have the oil changed, call the insurance company, pick up the prescriptions, etc)

9 – Do the dishes or load and unload the dishwasher

10 – Plan a weekend getaway or vacation

11 – Make them breakfast in bed

12 – Seek opportunities to serve by completing tasks rather than reminding or “nagging” them 

Do you or your spouse speak the ‘Act of Service’ love language? What are some of your favorite ways to ‘serve’ your spouse?

Ashley LaMar
Ashley bounces between Atlanta, GA + Charleston, WV with her husband and two small dogs for life and work. If she’s not writing or blogging, she can usually be found cooking, reading, or watching baseball. Follow her on Twitter @ashleyfromfbl

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