184 Thoughts I Had While (and After) Grocery Shopping

Aug 15, 2016 | 1 comment

On Saturday I convinced my husband to go out and run errands with me.

“I’m just going out for a few quick things, it won’t take long” I told him. “Oh, just to Hobby Lobby for a few picture frames, then Sprouts for groceries, and I might run in to Office Depot for a file folder thingy to hang on the wall. I shouldn’t be more than 10 minutes in Hobby Lobby or Office Depot and the grocery store might take 20, I know what I’m going in there for.” He went with me…the poor man. Bless his heart…he had to know I wouldn’t be out of any of those places on time but he still agreed to tag along. 

I was actually in and out of Hobby Lobby in less than 10 minutes because he waited in the car (smart man!) but when I got to the grocery store, well, that’s when things took a turn for the crazy.

184 Thoughts I Had While (and After) Grocery Shopping

1 – Ok, he’s waiting in the car again. Let’s make this quick.

2 – Hmmm…the epic Sprouts decision. Do I need the big shopping cart or the small shopping cart? Let’s go with the small one, that way I won’t buy as much.

3 – Oh look, fresh basil plants.

4 – Do I need a fresh basil plant? 

5 – No, I don’t need a fresh basil plant but maybe I should start an herb garden.

6 – “Hey Siri, add a note.” “Remind me to Google how to start an herb garden.”

7 – That would be a good use for that patio of ours.

8 – “Hey Siri, add a note.” “Make sure the house we buy has a good place for an herb garden..and maybe an outdoor vegetable garden.”

9 – I should buy breakfast pastries.

10 – I know they aren’t on the list and Brandon’s trying to eat fewer pastries but they are so good. 

11 – I’ll just buy this set of 6 pastries. Not too many but just enough to have something sweet when the moment strikes.

12 – I should buy those apple rings he loves. He didn’t put them on the list but I know he’d want them.

13 – Hmmm…what’s all of this loose stuff they sell? 

14 – Ok, well it wouldn’t hurt to take a look through those aisles.

15 – Sliced almonds? I love sliced almonds!

16 – I’m going to get a scoop of those. I’ll add them to something I make this week.

17 – Roasted lightly salted edamame?

18 – That sounds good. I could mix that in something I’m sure.

19 – Or maybe it would be a good snack on its own.

20 – Would Brandon eat roasted lightly salted edamame?

21 – Well, only one way to find out!

22 – Sprouts sell quinoa like this? 

23 – The quinoa is only $2.49 a pound?!

24 – Ok, I need about 2lbs, right?

25 – Wait, how many cups of quinoa is 2lbs of quinoa?

26 – Dammit…why isn’t their little scoop thing equal to a cup?

27 – Fine, I’m just going to go with 2 pounds.

28 – Ok, let’s get what we came for.

29 – Oooooh! Look at the pretty sunflowers!

30 – I should totally buy sunflowers for my desk at home.

31 – Wait…do I still have that vase?

32 – No, I think I threw it out. 

33 – Does Sprouts sell vases?

34 – Ugh. Of course they don’t. This is a Farmer’s Market. 

35 – Well, I could buy the flowers then stop at Target for a vase.

36 – No, I told Brandon I wasn’t going to Target.

37 – I’ll buy the sunflowers another day.

38 – Ok, where’s the tofu?

39 – Why do they even sell medium and firm tofu? Who eats anything other than extra-firm tofu? When would I ever need a different kind?

40 – “Hey Siri, add a note.” “Tofu recipes for medium or firm tofu”

41 – I really need to get around to buying a tofu press.

42 – Ok, vegetables…

43 – Crap. I didn’t bring my list.

44 – Ok, just buy all the vegetables.

45 – Tomatoes…radishes…sweet potatoes…cucumbers…peppers…jalapeno…avocado…zucchini…yellow potatoes…onion…radishes…

46 – Wait, tomatoes are actually a fruit.

47 – Note to self: stop calling tomatoes a vegetable because you sound like an idiot.

48 – Are avocados vegetables?

49 – “Hey Siri, are avocados vegetables?”

Siri – Let’s see…here’s what I found for ‘are avocado’s vegetables?. Avocados are technically a fruit.

50 – Dammit again. 

51 – Ok, just buy the fruits and vegetables and stop asking Siri stuff. Does it really matter if it’s a fruit or vegetable anyway?

52 – Speaking of fruits, those strawberries look good.

53 – Are strawberries a vegetable? Just kidding…felt like being snarky. I should have asked Siri.

54 – Ok, buy the lettuces and the spinach. 

55 – Don’t buy the spring mix. The other stuff doesn’t cook down as well when I’m trying to cook spinach.

56 – We need to get out of here.

57 – Oh, that bag is cute! “EVERY DAY I’m BRUSSELIN’…”
Every Day I'm Brusselin' reusable shopping bag from Sprouts

58 – I forgot my reusable bags so I’m buying that.

59 – I’m singing “Every day I’m brusselin” to Brandon when I get in the car.

60 – $57? That’s it? Hmm..go me!

61 – I hope I remembered everything on my list. I don’t want to come back to the store just for garlic or something.

62 – I do have garlic at home, right? 

63 – Yes, I’m sure I do. 

64 – Ok, let’s sing to Brandon.

65 – Ha! I knew he’d laugh.

66 – Wait, was that a pity laugh? Let’s sing it again to make sure.

67 – He said he’s exhausted and feels like he was drugged.

68 – Drugged? Like sedated?

69 – Oh! The Ramones!

Sings to Brandon – “Twenty – twenty – twenty-four hours agoooooooo. I wanna be sedated!”

70 – What’s with the weird look? Surely he knows The Ramones?

71 – Who doesn’t like The Ramones???? Who did I marry?!

72 – Oh well, I’ll sing to myself then.

73 – Off to Office Depot!!!

74 – Oh crap! I bought loose quinoa but I don’t have a canister at home for it. All of my canisters are occupied.

75 – Sorry babe, I have to go to Target for the office wall hanging thingy…

76 – Uh-oh. 

77 – I just promised him I’d be out of Target in 10 minutes. Is that even doable?

78 – Let’s prove it’s doable.

79 – Ok, he said he needed cough drops because his throat’s been sore. Let’s get those first so I don’t forget.

80 – This is right by the dog food aisle. Do the dogs need food?

Benefuls Dog Food at Target

81 – Didn’t I just buy them food? Surely, they are ok. 

82 – Let’s go find that canister for the quinoa.

83 – Oh! Look at the pretty dishes.

84 – Actually, thinking of pretty dishes. I should see if they have pasta bowls.

85 – LMAO!! “See if they have…” It’s Target. OF COURSE they have it.

86 – Yep. There they are. 

87 – Should I buy 2 or 4? We do need them…

88 – Ok, just buy two. You can always come back.


89 – Ok, a canister for the quinoa.

90 – Hmmm…so….ummm…what size canister? What size will 2lbs of quinoa fill? 

91 – Just buy two sizes, surely it will fit in one of those.

92 – What if it doesn’t fit?

93 – Well, I guess I’ll just have two canisters of quinoa then.

94 – Did Sprouts sell the red quinoa loose like this?

95 – “Hey Siri, add a note.” “Check Sprouts for loose red quinoa.”

96 – Dammit…what did I come in here for? It was more than just a canister.

97 – Oh right! That file thingy for the wall.

98 – How can Target not have a hanging file thingy?! How can they be sold out?

99 – I mean, I know it’s back to school but seriously, is that a back to school item?

100 – Ugh. I guess I am going to Office Depot.

101 – No. I’ll go to Office Depot another day. 

102 – I wonder if they have that gold Nate Berkus giraffe back in stock yet?

103 – How long have I been in here? 

104 – 8 minutes?! I have to hurry.

105 – Wait, 8 minutes? That’s it? I’m AMAZING.

106 – OMG…why are the checkout lines so long?????

107 – I’ll just go to self-checkout.

108 – Why are there so many people here?

109 – Oh look! Starbucks frappes. 

110 – I’m going to buy a 4-pack, I love those things.

111 – Wait, did that lady just cut me off and get in line ahead of me?

112 – She did!!! How dare she?!

113 – I’m going to say something.

114 – Oh, she’s just buying cat food. 

115 – So what?! Say something!!!

116 – No, what if she’s a lonely cat lady?

117 – So what? It was rude of her to cut in line!

118 – Yes but it’s rude of you to say something.

119 – But it’s rude of her!!!

120 – “This is water.”

121- Dammit I wish I’d never watched that video.

122 – I have to stop having these moral dilemma arguments with myself in public.

123 – At least I wasn’t arguing with myself out loud.

124 – That wasn’t out loud was it?

125 – So why isn’t cat lady going to the open self-checkout line?

126 – She just waved me to the open one. Weird.

127 – Did she really just say she’s waiting for that particular line?

128 – She did. She’d rather wait for that man to finish than use the available one?

129 – She really is strange.

130 – Whatever, I was next in line anyway.

131 – Ok. let’s get home!

132 – How do you store radishes again? I know I should cut the stems off…

133 – “Hey Siri…how should you store radishes?”

134 – Ok, cut off the stems and store them in a plastic bag.

135 – Oh crap! I washed them and I wasn’t supposed to wash them yet. 

136 – Well, whatever that radish dish was just got moved up the list. I’ll have to make that tomorrow.


137 – Now, where to put the potatoes? Why is this always the hardest decision?

138 – It’s hard because I don’t have a basement.

139 – Or a root cellar.

140 – Do people still have root cellars?

141 – I should ask our realtor if homes in this area offer root cellars.

142 – Would Brandon agree to make a root cellar a “must-have” for a home? 

143 – At the very least I need a dark cold place to store potatoes.

144 – This cabinet is most certainly not cold, although it is dark.

145 – I hope I don’t forget the potatoes are down here. That was a rotten discovery last time.

146 – I should probably buy a basket to store potatoes in. I don’t think they should be stored in a plastic bag but I’m tired of letting Siri make me look like an idiot today.


147 – Ok green onions, or scallions, or whatever your called. Let’s find that jar for you.

148 – Where the hell did I put that jar???

149 – Did I throw it away? Why would I do that?

150 – Lucky me, I have tons of jars.

151 – Am I the only one that takes this long to put groceries away?

152 – I should probably just grow my own green onions. They can’t be hard to grow.

153 – Why do I keep wanting to grow things? I’m not a gardener.

154 – I could be a gardener.

155 – I could start a gardening blog!

156 – Of course, first I need a garden.

157 – No, first I need a house.

158 – Ok onions…stay strong.


159 – I guess I just throw this stuff on the countertop?

160 – I seriously need a pantry.

161 – Ok, so maybe a root cellar isn’t a must-have for a new home but a pantry definitely is!

162 – A walk-in pantry.

163 – I’d sacrifice closet space for a good pantry.

164 – Well, that’s a little crazy. I’m not sacrificing my closet but a pantry is a necessity.

165 – Unless I have a good basement and root cellar.

166 – We need to talk about these things.

167 – Brandon won’t care. He’ll just say, “Whatever you want” but I’ll feel better feeling like I consulted him first.

168 – “Hey Siri, add a note.” “Research root cellar vs basement vs pantry.”

169 – Well, I don’t have a pantry so this stuff will just have to sit here for now. 


170 – Now, where should I store that avocado (the FRUIT, not the vegetable)?

171 – The countertop seems obvious but then again I thought an avocado was a vegetable.

172 – “Hey Siri, how should I store an avocado?”

173 – Naturally…opinions differ.

174 – Well, the refrigerator it is because I won’t be using it til Monday.

175 – That’s it. Finally. The groceries are all put away.

176 – Wait, how the hell did I spend $57? 

177 – Where did all the food go?

178 – Why is my refrigerator so empty???

179 – I know it’s not in the pantry, I don’t have one.


180 – Oh well, it’s enough for a week. 

181 – I should have bought those sunflowers. 

182 – I should have bought a vase at Target.

183 – I should have gone to Office Depot.

184 – I didn’t get anything done today.